Love ? Part I

tittle says it all. what is love actually ? issit the things that us find it so hard and after losing it.can be a total wreck? different case different people receive it. for me. HAHA. i dont know what to say. is it love have to come after betrayal? destrust ? dissapointments ? guess so,guess not. been there and done that. bukan senang kita nak percaya kepada manusia jika hati kita di kecewakan. di tipu hidup-hidup, dan bukan lah senang nak sayangkan orang yang selalu dengar atau dari pasangan yang cerai berai,keluarga yang tak berapa nak stabil,hidup terumbang ambil dengan longgokan masalah.

for me ? pelikkan. patutnya saya dah rasa hidup selesa.tak ada tekanan dah. bukan sebab itu. kadang² manusia diam bukan bererti dia kuat atau tidak kesah. diam itu lebih baik dari bercakap-cakap. kerana mendengar lebih baik dari bercakap. dalam relationship yang saya bina selama setahun 1 tahun 3 bulan. cukup lah belajar dengar erti bersabar.erti berdiam. kadang-kadang ada juga rasa nak hentak,pukul,maki hamun,sepak terajang tapi perlu ke semua tindakan itu ? saya marah sebab sayang.marah sebab ingin mengajar.bukan sebab benci.remember that.

bukan apa. baru nak bergerak kaki ni.dah kena potong. dah kena tahan. memang macam tak percaya. orang yang aku jaga,aku sayang,the person who i look up till now do this to me.do what? well my friend.Sometimes u're not in love, u just care too much to let go because u don't want to hurt them.

macam menyesal pun ada juga :').why?
because from every stupid mistake u do, every stupid mistake that kantoi dengan i. still i can bear with you. sometimes it's unbearble.sometimes sorry can't be termed as sorry.sometimes. your mind says, “I deserve more – this relationship is not right.”
Your heart says, “Stay, it will work out.”
it always like this. but since the accident. everything changed. when we are in fights. mostly i who always give up or give in. i'm the one who go after you after mistake that you've done.i keep on chasing. because,really..i thought after the accident. you're the one for me. i damn serious nak jadikan you yang halal for me. that's why i'm fully commited to you. tak pernah you nampak i layan perempuan lain. tak pernah pun rasa nak curang orang play on your back. that's why i bawa you jumpa parents i.jumpa all my closes friend.introduce you to em. bond with em. and u already said u don't get well with your family.so i gave mine.but that doesn't mean i boleh bagi u peluang for your mum to say that my mum bela hantu lah,bela ni lah,my mum jahat la.orang tu juga yang terima you.at first she hesitated to trust or care about you.tapi seeing her son really commited to this girl.so her mum ikut je lah.buat apa nak campur hal budak2 right?my mum treat her like she was her own daughter.but at last.macam ni you balasannya ? your dad called and said don't disturb her daughter.your mum called and said like my mum ni macam tak tahu jaga i.i still ingat.you pernah minta my mum rahsiakan tentang you datang rumah i.so my mum did.my mum diam sahaja that time.seriously.apa you dapat buat semua ni ? and still remember what is your last mistake? that drove u off to my house.in them middle of the night.crying and sobbing over your mistake and promises u won't do the same mistake? HAHAHA. 4 times,damn 4 times you are like this. for me? NONE, NO chances at all. WOW.

a year ago,i did buang you.i don't want.i jijik sangat tengok you that time. but fikir ada tanggungjawab. yeah,kutip balik. amik balik walau hati ni dah kosong.



ingat lagi first week.mengejar cinta hati sejati konon :').
tidur sampai tak cukup. selalu fikir. "mcm mana nak bagi settle hal die ni ek"
so rentlessly i keep going to ally. keep going to hany and dilla.tell this and that.
first,memang susah la sangat nak talk to em.by force kot aku guna ._.,sry guys!
they accepeted to confront you. kalau tunggu you,sampai bila pun tak kan settle.
haha,menyesal pulak buat macam tu if last² aku plak yang kene tinggal.
ingat lagi first week celebrating her birthday.
ingat lagi all those stupid broken promises that never been meant by.
gila,orang bercinta gak. tak ada la mcam aku.
kene laknat,kena tabur desperate,kene maki sini sana,kena basuh kau2 dengan sedara mara dia,kene tipu kau2 punya dengan this girl,sampai dia pun kata aku x betul.ada ke cakap account fb my friend mellissa lissa i use that? -_-. ya allah.Hahaha.hebat oh,well,pictures tells a thousand words.

FOLKS
I was madly in love with my girlfriend and probably always will be to some extent. Not being with her hurts a great deal, even now.The love of my life, the center of my everyday exciting and mundane activities, the one who brought a thrill and calm like no other I had ever experienced had walked away. I was crushed. No, no, not crushed. That doesn’t begin to describe it. I was left a shell of my previous self…hollow inside. Empty.This broken heart had taken over my emotions, stripped me of the meaning in my life. I wondered if anything I had worked towards actually mattered anymore. My passion towards bikes, the money, my friends, my hobbies, and honestly even my family seemed completely meaningless…without her. I didn’t see how I was going to get through it. Dear ALLAH. kalau dia jodohku. kau dekatkan lah aku dengan si dia dan kalau dia bukan jodohku,tolonglah padamkan setiap memori. tidak secebis memori pun yang tinggal. amin ya rabbalalamin.